Relocating stories
Dispute negative thoughts and conversations
Lately, I’ve been listing the word PENDEJA, in Spanish means a lot of emotional turbulence in regards of self esteem. I did not know when or where exactly I picked that word up. I have a vague memory of my mom saying -luego lo vienen a pendejar a uno (here they come to insult me because according to them I am not doing things right). I started to ask my self to give answer about it. -Hilda, reflect about the word PENDEJA. Please, tell me if you really think of you as a dump woman- The answer was - of course not, you know what I think of you, you are this and that and that (all good and bad when needed)-.
I went to bed listening to Lama Dorje mantra, than when I woke up I remember and knew the moment when the word pendeja was planted in me. It was the time of the joker: I clown from Peru sent me and inbox, with the word pendeja in it. This clown is an "ayahuasca healer", his way of healing people is by insulting them, some people like his method other people do not. My aspiration is to discover a more compassionate teacher within me, I want to continue life lessons with less suffering, pain and with meaningful speech and creativity. Because of my discovery I decided to be more selective with the people I interact with. Christianity has taught me that by the name of Christ everyone can be saved, therefore I allow all kind of humans to be part of my experience because Christ will be taking care of them , now during my transition to Buddhist, I know that some people do no want to live life to share good heart; there is not need for me to continue en la pendeja. Gracias al payaso por la lección pero no te quiero ver por mi camino otra vez. You are no needed no more.
Replace negative self-talk with affirmations
NEW VERSION:
I had a dream last night I dreamt of two snakes, I was playing with them, suddenly, one bit me on my right hand. The snake told me - Did not you see? I just bit you-. I woke up feeling dump but at the same time I remember that for indigenous, snakes as totems have healing powers. I decided to take the healing and transformation connotation for my dream. If I want to take my transformation into real life than I will be aware of my thinking and emotional process during the day and write a short story, or a poem.
